Another phone call...

She called last night. She calls every night. And every night I let it go to voicemail.

But last night she had a staff member call and leave a message that she wanted to speak to us and say that they would really appreciate it if I called her back. So I called back. I got their voicemail. Then they called again and I asked if something happened or was there a problem, and the staff member told me that there was an incident and that DD was pretty upset and wanted to talk to me. So I accepted the call.

DD got on in hysterics. I couldn't understand her at all. IT took a while for her to speak in a tone I could understand and she was again asking to go home, saying that all the girls there wanted to kick her ass and if she didn't get out soon she was going to go off on them. She said that they told her that when she gets out of there that "it is on!" Whatever that means. So I asked what happened to get to this point with these girls so quickly, and of course she did nothing. They just don't like her, she doesn't know why because she has been nothing but nice to them. This is the same story I have heard about every conflict, physical or not, that she has had since we met her.

I asked her if she recalls living anywhere where she did not have problems. She said no. I asked why she thought that was a reoccurring issue in her life and she said she did not know--that people are just mean to her. She does not get it.

She then said that if we took her home now that she would definitely do everything we told her to do.

I calmly tried to explain that she needed to try to stand in my shoes and see what it might be like for me to listen to someone who has lied to me, defied me, and fought me for three years and see if she would be able to believe that someone. She said, "yeah, but THIS time, I promise!"

I repeated that she had a lot of work to do before I would believe her again, and probably before she would get out. Told her I would not go get her. So then she asked if we were going to go visit her this weekend. I asked her what for. She just wants a visitor. I don't blame her, but no, we will not. I have nothing to say to her, nothing I want to hear from her, and nothing has changed. It is still painful to be around her, and I told her that again this phone call was all about what I could do for her and that she still didn't get it. She has work to do. She will get nothing from me until she shows some progress towards recognizing that there are other people on this planet and recognizing her impact on other people.

The conversation ended very calmly. I asked her not to call anymore, and that whatever she has to say we can discuss at our next therapy session. She said OK, but I am sure my phone will ring again tonight between the hours of 6:00 - 8:00 -- her phone time.