So while there is some validation from this experience...

...unfortunately, she will not remain at the residential home for basic care kids.

Yep - the housemom gave me a head's up that DD will not be staying, but she was willing to keep her a few more days while we try to work out some other plan. We have talked about every other day, so while we have been incredibly relaxed, and genuinely happy in the house for the past couple of weeks, I still get my little reminders every other day.

Her behaviors lately have included:

• being in a girl's closet after lights out, requesting to borrow a pair of "really short-short. I NEED a pair of really short-shorts,"
• when asked what she was doing in someone else's room (against the rules) while still standing in the closet with the housemom facing her, she said "I'm not!"
• hanging all over some boys who came to the cottage with their families, from church, to provide an ice cream party for the girls. The housemom had to pull her off of them 5 times. Then she saw one of the other girl's, who was standing next to the boys, mouth to DD the words, "He says he loves you too!"
• saying that the housemom approved the song that she wanted to sing for an upcoming talent show (Carrie Underwood's The Next Time) when the talent show coordinator approached her about the inappropriateness of the song (about cheating and dressing like a tramp, etc)
• speaking out loud, at 2:00, from her bed, a very erotic, sexually-graphic one-sided dialogue about a boy. The housemom thought she was having phone sex with someone, and got DD out of bed and tore it apart looking for a cell phone, but found nothing. DD claimed to be asleep, but both the housemom and I know that she was not. The next day the housemom asked DD to write down her dream and she fabricated this big story about being in college, getting married, and somehow becoming pregnant and having a baby.
• talking to all the girls about this boy on campus, who she has only seen from across the campus and never really met, about how much she likes him. His name was used in the erotic monologue as well.

Apparently DD is hellbent on getting laid and getting pregnant! She is obsessed with boys and getting their attention and most of her problems at the home have been around breaking the rules, lying, and stealing to satisfy her need to look and act like a skank. This is an extremely Christian children's home and they are suppose to only take basic-care kids, not kids with behavior problems, and certainly not kids with personality disorders (although they won't give her the official label of Narcissistic Personality Disorder until she is 18 --- even the housemom called that one, on top of the Attachment Disorder). So, now on to plan B.

While last week at work was one of the most intense weeks, and will be followed up with more next week as we roll out a new software application for people to transition to, I also get to deal with the crap. On Friday alone, I probably made and received a total of 15 calls. This gets kind of complicated now because there are so many possibilities and very little is in our control, and we are entering a world of acronyms. We are at the mercy of others, at this point, but this too shall end.

1) I called a residential treatment center (RTC)-- the same crappy one she was in back in September. Why the same one, because they will almost HAVE to let her back in since we removed her "Against medical advice" and they rated her a GAF score of 38 upon dismissal. We should hear Monday if they are willing to do a Clinical Assessment--which means taking off work, driving to Belton, and playing with them for at least half the day.

2) I talked to insurance, and they seemed more likely to cover this particular RTC because they are in-network. They are waiting for the Clinical Assessment.

3) I talked to Lutheran Social Services of the South (LSSS) and they filed papers with another agency -- Youth for Tomorrow (YFT) -- to get DD's Level of Care (LOC) raised from Basic to Specialized. [There are four levels, Basic, Moderate, Specialized, and Intensive --we need Specialized for her to qualify for state funds to manage her costs for three months]

4) If she gets into the RTC, she can stay there as long as she is qualified per the insurance company. When funds end, IF she is at an LOC of Specialized, then LSSS can kick in and we can get her into a local, all-girls RTC that is capable of managing her until she is 18, if qualified.

5) IF we can get her to the all-girl's location, she can stay for the three months covered by LSSS. At some point, determined by LSSS, we can then apply through LSSS for Temporary Management Conservatorship (TMC). TMC is where the state takes partial (and supposedly temporary) custody of the child so that the state can manage the kids treatment resources. It is possible to maintain TMC until the kid is 18, but of course, the ultimate goal is "reunification of the family" so there are still hoops to jump and games to play.

6) IF insurance says NO to the RTC, we have to wait for YFT to make a decision. DD would return to the home while we wait.

7) IF YFT says yes, then IF there are openings at the all-girl's RTC, we can put her there immediately (as of Friday they did not have an opening). IF YFT says NO, then we can reapply and try to strengthen the case for a new LOC. In the meantime, she will be returned to our home.

8) IF everyone says NO, then we have decided to get a lawyer and end this, regardless of the charges filed against us. We are already having to spend an inordinate amount of time fighting, why not fight in a way that gets us to some result. I'm sure it will not be easy and certainly not cheap, but I think we can easily prove that we have exhausted all options, and maybe we can even get folks like the housemom to testify on our behalf. I don't know how all that would play out, and would prefer to not go there, because we all lose then, but we are running out of options.

All of these agencies know, that even if she gets placed until she 18, she still gets better service/treatment if she is attached (literally, not emotionally) to a family. If the adoption is dissolved, I saw the cottage in the back of the RTC where they put the kids that no one goes to see--the unwanted. You'd think that they might remain there until they are 18, since no one is likely to adopt them, but the state has this clever tactic called - EMANCIPATION - where they approach a 16-year old and ask if they would like $1000 and to be emancipated to do whatever they want. So, realistically, a 16-year old could be released to the streets with no life skills, personality and behavior disorders, and $1000 (which sounds like a lot to a kid) to fend for themselves.

They have to go through an emancipation program, but 90% the homeless kids that hang out on the main university drag in town, were either emancipated early, or aged-out of the system. Then we ALL get to pay for their vagrancy and petty crimes to survive. In other words, if the State won't find a way to help her now, the state will take care of her later, probably in a prison. All I know is that I cannot help her in my home, and the BEST that I can do for her is try to get her to a place where she can be treated, taught, and isolated from temptation until she is older. All of her fantasies (written and spoken out loud from under her blankets in the middle of the night, while in the children's home) are about sex, sometimes with multiple people, and about having a baby. She turned 13-years old three weeks ago...

Right or wrong, the goal is to not bring her back into this house --- ever. The extreme difference in our home is too overwhelming to ignore and I will NOT go back to what we had before. Ideally, we will pick her up on Wednesday, drive her to Belton, and get at least a few weeks to a few months there before insurance hits the breaks. By then we will have an answer from YFT, and we hopefully can smoothly transition her to the all-girl's RTC, if they have an opening. If there is no opening, and the Belton RTC still sees a need for treatment regardless of what insurance says, she can stay there and YFT will pick up the tab for three months, or until we can get her transferred to the all-girl's location.

So -- while we sit in limbo, we had a WONDERFUL Father's Day, in peace. On Saturday night, we had my mother over for her birthday, in peace. No drama. No craziness. No skankiness.

Meanwhile, the poor housemom at the Children's home is losing her mind. She vents for an hour plus each time I talk to her. She fears that I won't believe her because it all sounds so crazy, but I assured her that I believed EVERY word she said. She has had about 10 days with DD -- I told her to try 1000!

[Global Assessment of Functioning (GAF) 40-31 Major impairment of functioning in several areas and unable to function in one of these areas (ie., disturbed at home, at school, with peers, or in society at large, eg., persistent aggression without clear instigation; markedly withdrawn and isolated behaviour due to either mood or thought disturbance, suicidal attempts with clear lethal intent; such children are likely to require special schooling and/or hospitalization or withdrawal from school (but this is not a sufficient criterion for inclusion in this category).] http://www.health.nsw.gov.au/policy/cmh/mhoat/outcome_measures/CGASv1.pdf