DD's therapist recommends that we send her to a residential treatment center (RTC) for 12-18 months. She also suggested we find one out of state.
Kind of a shocker. Part of me feels some relief, but a larger part of me feels great guilt.
We really don't have any other options. She needs help and we are not qualified to give it to her. She does not have the tools to help herself, and all studies show that she will get progressively worse as she gets older and untreated adults do not have great prospects either. If she needed brain surgery we would not try to fix it at home instead of sending her to a hospital for the fix and recovery.
Lately she yelled at us and told us that if we didn't like it, why didn't we just take her back to Foster Care. She can't even imagine what is at risk here. That is not a legitimate option anyway. Even if we wanted to take her back - 1) I could never live with that decision, 2) she would NEVER get the help she needs, probably never get another chance at adoption and just age-out at 18 with no skills, no help, and no family, and 3) we would be charged with child negligence for relinquishing her to the state. A real lose-lose situation.
Her therapist fears that she may get so frustrated that she could falsely accuse us of harming her--she already tells people how mean we are and how she hates us and she tells the school that we won't buy her things, or better, can't afford things, so they will feel sorry for her and buy her stuff out of their own pocket. She has done it multiple times. If she falsely accuses, CPS will take both kids, put them in foster care, press both civil and criminal charges, we will have to get two lawyers, pay big bucks to clear our name (though the stigma never goes away) and fight to get our kids back--especially Tony who would just be terrified and confused by the whole ordeal.
To get her into a RTC costs about $5K a month. We would need to get a loan for at least $60K. Yet another shock. I am exhausted from trying to research all of our options and absorbing all this information-hoping that maybe I can find some intensive out-patient options here, locally, but finding nothing.
We actually leave for a family vacation this Sunday, then my father and step-mom have offered to keep her for a few weeks afterwards, to give us a break and give us time to thoroughly research all of our options. Being with her 24/7 for a full week will be interesting at this stage in our relationship.
More when we return...
Oh and my camera is scheduled for delivery --two days after we leave for vacation. Not happy.
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9 comments:
Wow! You have more than a full plate. I hope you are able to find the treatment that is needed. Good thoughts to you and your family.
Cynthia - I have no words that I can even begin to say to you - I know that you are an amazing person and that you, your hubby and Tony have all tried to help your daughter - as difficult as it is, I really support your decision to find residential help for her - Please feel free to call me anytime to talk! MUCH LOVE AND HUGS.
Yes, ditto to everything that donna said. Your friends support you and are sending love and positive thoughts and prayers and hugs all that stuff your way.
oh honey....I don't even know what to say. but much love girl.
I hope things fall into place.
Wow.
I know you will do what is best for you and your family. Take the time you will have while she stays with family to breathe and relax a bit. I'm sending you all the hugs I can give.
Cynthia - I haven't been there to that extent but I know some of what you are talking about. I luff you.
I'm reacting like everyone else...WOW. Just don't forget to take care of yourself. Love, hugs, and good thoughts headed your way.
I have no advice for you just lots and lots of :hug: You definitely need them!
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