Getting nervous...

So, when DD first came to live with us, I tried to spin some of the crap in her past in a positive light--trying to help build her confidence and self-esteem. Now she is smarting off to us, throwing some of that stuff back in our face! We really are worried about her falsely accusing one of us of something so she can go back to foster care. She has challenged us to send her back if we "don't like it!"

Today was a doozie! This morning, before my DH took her to day camp, she decided to go out front and bounce a volleyball. She left the front door open. My DH went to shut it, and out of habit, he locked it. She was standing right there at the time, and as she was saying, "What if I need to come back in?" and before she finished her sentence he unlocked it and opened it back up. Then she went on playing.

She came back in and he handed her a basket of her clean laundry and asked her to put her clothes away. She stomped upstairs, slammed her door, and slammed her drawers in and out as she put stuff away. He ignored it.

When they got in the car, he told her that all he asked her to do was to put away her clothes. Nothing else. No sweep the floors, pull weeds, clean the kitchen--just put away the clothes that mom washed, dried, and folded for you. The same thing that we ask Tony to do with his clean laundry. And she started mouthing off to him. Things escalated and she told him that 100 other people wanted her, and that we were not special and just kept mouthing until he demanded that she shut up. She kept muttering under her breath all the way there.

When I got home and heard about this I went to let her know that while I told her 30 couples wanted her--not 100 people, (trying to make her feel wanted and loved) that what I didn't tell her was that only 2 couples were approved for her, and that those two demanded new psych evaluations of her. When they got the results, they ran. I didn't do this to hurt her, but to let her know that we are sticking by her and trying to get her the help that she needs. She started mouthing off to me and told me that DH locked her out of the house this morning for 15-20 minutes!! She made it sound like he shoved her out the door and locked her out while she tried to get back in.

Her new Aussie friend apparently lives in a group foster home and now I worry that DD thinks that if she accuses us of some kind of abuse, that CPS could take her and she could go live with her new friend. I called my DH into the room to help clarify the story and again things escalated. She eventually back-peddled and agreed with his version, but I got to the point where I asked her where she wanted to go? Where was it that she would be so happy, and that she could do whatever she wanted? She had no answer.

I let her know all the hoops we are having to jump through, all the calls we are having to make, all the forms and letters and begging we are having to do to try to get her help--and that we are the only ones trying to make her life better, but if she wanted out to tell me right now! I told her I could call CPS and she could leave tonight if that was what she wanted, that I wouldn't fight her. Instead of spending all my time and money trying to help her, I could spend it getting a lawyer to dissolve the adoption, if that was what she wanted.

She went silent. She was mad. She maybe was scared. I forced her to make a decision that moment. Turns out that she would like to stay and would like to get some help. I told her that we would do whatever it takes and pay the price of time, energy, money, whatever to get her the help but that her price was to shut her mouth. That she can't say that she wants to stay then treat us like abusive prison guards keeping her against her will. Lord knows what she told her new foster friend today.

I've been reviewing her two-foot high record that we got from CPS (preparing info to get approval for therapy). She often threatened foster parents that she would scratch herself and tell CPS that the foster did it. She also told the school last year that she wished all the screaming and violence would stop in our house! Fortunately, the counselor knew her as a well-documented liar and knew that when she repeated it 5 times that she was trying to get a reaction.

She is very uncomfortable being held accountable for her behaviors and I fear what she might try in order to change her circumstances. I am so ready for her to move into a facility, before things get worse at home.