Possible Hope

I expected our biggest struggle to be with the Insurance Company (isn't it usually) and it still may be, but we now have the authorization for the second step, which is to have her admitted to an in-patient psych eval (1-5 days). I doubt they would keep her more than 24 hours, if at all. She is not in a psychotic rage, and doesn't really need to be observed to that degree, right now. There is the possibility that they may not want to admit her at all, but simply do a quick eval based on the evidence we present (her two-foot high stack of files from the foster system, full of previous evals and behaviors) and based on a consultation with her. The timing is a bit off, as we leave for vacation on Monday, so we will wait until we return before pursuing the evaluation. Hopefully she will be OK while on vacation with several extended family members. She sometimes gets a little wound up when there are lots of folks around and she thinks we are not paying attention.

So, the Insurance Company assigned us a Case Manager so we can talk to one knowledgable source and not have to start over from the beginning with a new employee each time we call. She is a clinician and was extremely empathetic and supportive and totally agreed with the plan to get her help NOW before things get worse. She almost made me cry with her understanding. (OK - so I did cry, but I was at work, so I choked it down.)She advised me on what to take, what to say, what to ask for, etc. to get the help we need. I was amazed and so relieved.

We are hoping that maybe we can get her settled before school begins--so that she isn't the kid who started school then disappeared for a while. I think it will be easier for her to return later if she doesn't make an appearance now.

Getting nervous...

So, when DD first came to live with us, I tried to spin some of the crap in her past in a positive light--trying to help build her confidence and self-esteem. Now she is smarting off to us, throwing some of that stuff back in our face! We really are worried about her falsely accusing one of us of something so she can go back to foster care. She has challenged us to send her back if we "don't like it!"

Today was a doozie! This morning, before my DH took her to day camp, she decided to go out front and bounce a volleyball. She left the front door open. My DH went to shut it, and out of habit, he locked it. She was standing right there at the time, and as she was saying, "What if I need to come back in?" and before she finished her sentence he unlocked it and opened it back up. Then she went on playing.

She came back in and he handed her a basket of her clean laundry and asked her to put her clothes away. She stomped upstairs, slammed her door, and slammed her drawers in and out as she put stuff away. He ignored it.

When they got in the car, he told her that all he asked her to do was to put away her clothes. Nothing else. No sweep the floors, pull weeds, clean the kitchen--just put away the clothes that mom washed, dried, and folded for you. The same thing that we ask Tony to do with his clean laundry. And she started mouthing off to him. Things escalated and she told him that 100 other people wanted her, and that we were not special and just kept mouthing until he demanded that she shut up. She kept muttering under her breath all the way there.

When I got home and heard about this I went to let her know that while I told her 30 couples wanted her--not 100 people, (trying to make her feel wanted and loved) that what I didn't tell her was that only 2 couples were approved for her, and that those two demanded new psych evaluations of her. When they got the results, they ran. I didn't do this to hurt her, but to let her know that we are sticking by her and trying to get her the help that she needs. She started mouthing off to me and told me that DH locked her out of the house this morning for 15-20 minutes!! She made it sound like he shoved her out the door and locked her out while she tried to get back in.

Her new Aussie friend apparently lives in a group foster home and now I worry that DD thinks that if she accuses us of some kind of abuse, that CPS could take her and she could go live with her new friend. I called my DH into the room to help clarify the story and again things escalated. She eventually back-peddled and agreed with his version, but I got to the point where I asked her where she wanted to go? Where was it that she would be so happy, and that she could do whatever she wanted? She had no answer.

I let her know all the hoops we are having to jump through, all the calls we are having to make, all the forms and letters and begging we are having to do to try to get her help--and that we are the only ones trying to make her life better, but if she wanted out to tell me right now! I told her I could call CPS and she could leave tonight if that was what she wanted, that I wouldn't fight her. Instead of spending all my time and money trying to help her, I could spend it getting a lawyer to dissolve the adoption, if that was what she wanted.

She went silent. She was mad. She maybe was scared. I forced her to make a decision that moment. Turns out that she would like to stay and would like to get some help. I told her that we would do whatever it takes and pay the price of time, energy, money, whatever to get her the help but that her price was to shut her mouth. That she can't say that she wants to stay then treat us like abusive prison guards keeping her against her will. Lord knows what she told her new foster friend today.

I've been reviewing her two-foot high record that we got from CPS (preparing info to get approval for therapy). She often threatened foster parents that she would scratch herself and tell CPS that the foster did it. She also told the school last year that she wished all the screaming and violence would stop in our house! Fortunately, the counselor knew her as a well-documented liar and knew that when she repeated it 5 times that she was trying to get a reaction.

She is very uncomfortable being held accountable for her behaviors and I fear what she might try in order to change her circumstances. I am so ready for her to move into a facility, before things get worse at home.

What says Summer to me??

Well, usually sweltering heat, picnics and fireworks on the fourth are the epitome of a summer image, but for the second year in a row, we are experiencing lots of rain and thunderstorms. The news is filled with stories of surrounding areas being buried in water, and old friends are calling from across the country to see if we are OK. We fortunately have only been slightly inconvenienced by the weather in comparison to those who live in low water-crossing areas. None-the-less, we will watch fireworks tonight --on television instead of live.

Angie Tagged Me!

Instructions: These are the rules…. Each player starts with 7 random facts about themselves on their Blog. People who are tagged need to blog 7 facts about themselves and post the rules as well. At the end of their blog list 7 people you are tagging. Let them know that they are tagged by leaving them a comment.

1. I am basically right-handed, but also ambidexterous, and I can write backwards in cursive to create a mirror-view of the text.

2. I am one of 19 cousins on my maternal side. All but one still live in Texas. We once had an extended family reunion with multi-generations and had 350 attend.

3. I met my husband in a bar at 11:15 PM on New Year's Eve 1996-97. We still argue if we met in 96 or 97.

4. As a kid, I had Cat Scratch Fever and still have the scar under my chin to prove it!

5. I was born in Texas, but also lived in Colorado, California, and Washington.

6. My first vehicle was a motorcyle.A blue Honda 125. ;)From there I moved up to a burnt orange AMC Gremlin. Ha!

7. In college, I took a winter quarter off to work at Keystone Ski Resort. We received room and board plus pay and got to ski all of Summit County for free on our days off.

I'm tagging Lynette, Janelle, Janette, Jessica, Candice, Lynnie, and Dorothy. My apologies if any of you have been double-tagged.

Progress...perhaps...

Well, we finally visited the psychiatrist. He was an arrogant ass, but will do what we need. We scheduled a second appointment for us to sit and co-author a letter of recommendation to get DD further evaluated and hopefully accepted into a RAD specialized facility. I will actually write the letter, get input from her therapist next week, then take it to him on a pin drive and tell him to just print it on his letterhead. He was a buffoon and now I know why he had an open schedule when no one else on our insurance plan within 50 miles had anything until the end of the year. Anyway--it appears he will serve his purpose.

DD is very excited to go, which is good I guess, I don't want her to be afraid, but also so symptomatic of her diagnosis. Any other kid would be freaking out. She sees it as the next new thing. She is used to getting a new environment every six months to a year--a new family, new school, new friends, new everything. Being "stuck" with us for two years has been difficult for her. Long-term commitment and consequences are foreign and uncomfortable for her. No attachment to us at all. Stings a bit, ya know.

Last week she got into a fight at camp. The counselor had to pull the girls apart and get their nails out of each other. Of course, it was totally the other girls fault. DD was totally innocent and didn't do anything to provoke the girl-well, except grab and run away with the ball she was playing with. Hmmmm...

Tonight at 7:00 PM she kept coming halfway down the stairs and going back up. I realized that she was waiting to get my husband alone--never wanting to confront me. So, on her fourth descent I asked her what she wanted. She said she needed to ask DH something. I told her to ask me. She again insisted that she just needed to ask him something. He stepped up behind me and told her to ask.

She asked if she could go to a concert tonight. She is 12. She said her friend-- someone we've never met--asked her to go to the Keith Urban concert tonight. Said she had an extra ticket and because this other girl is from Australia and she "knew him back there" that Keith gave her two front row tickets, was picking them up in a limo, then taking them backstage and then to an after party downtown. She is 12.

Even if any part of this other girl's story is even remotely true, she is 12. And it was already 7:00 PM. DD couldn't understand our confusion over this big invite at the last minute. She said this other girl she just met at camp is from Australia, living in foster care here, waiting to be adopted. DD was livid with us for saying no. She demanded to eat dinner at a different time than us [honestly, a relief for us]. She sincerely thought we would just say yes because it was "her first concert." I tried to explain to her that I wouldn't even let a 17-year old leave this house with that itinerary without knowing more information. When I asked who was the chaperone, she said the girl only had two tickets--no chaperone. Nothing made sense. She had no complete answers and no one called us to ask if this was OK--adult or child. So, is my DD just delusional? Is she the victim of a prank? Is this Aussie girl as messed up and these two damaged little girls found each other?

If I stretch my brain I maybe could imagine someone writing a letter to Urban about a poor Aussie orphan stuck here in Austin [how she got here, DD does not know] and him sending tickets, but the rest just seems so far fetched. Even if I read a headline tomorrow about the poor foster kid getting big attention from Urban in his limo, backstage, and at a party, I will not feel bad. At 7:00 PM on the night of the concert, with no real information, it just was not a real option for DD. Urban himself would have to knock on my door for me to possibly consider any of this valid. I am such a mean mom.