Kind of numb...

DD's therapist called me today at work, 20 minutes before I had to give a presentation in a meeting. After spending an hour with DD, she feels like she may be released in a week or so, since she is not a danger to herself or others. So hitting, fighting, biting, scratching, jumping on other kid's heads is apparently not a danger to others. She actually needs to pull a weapon. I don't know.

Then she tells me that DS must be a part of every family therapy session. I told her that there was no point in involving him initially--that first we, as the parents must establish a relationship with this child and that I will not put DS through anything further until we see some progress. She insists he must be part of it since he lives in the house. I told her again I would not do that to him. She asked how old he is and I told her that he turns 15 today! It is his birthday and I need to focus on HIM today. Then she starts lecturing me on the rough life DD has had and how through no fault of her own has developed these behaviors and that I need to understand...I cut her off completely. I was LIVID!!!

"Who do you think you are talking to? Do you think that I do not know all this already? Do you think I am some heartless bitch who doesn't understand all of this? I completely understand and my heart breaks for her, but I am telling you that I do not have the tools to help her. After six years of therapists, psychiatrists, counselors, powerful, frightening medications, parenting, guidance, love, support, rewards, punishments, warnings, threats, loss of priveledges, after all of that energy and effort towards supporting change in her that not one behavior has changed. She is doing the same things she did 6 years ago with no progress and that we need help."

I then reminded her that we have been trying for two years and she has known her for one hour and that I don't care if she thinks I am some over-reactive, uncaring beast, there are deeper problems here than we can handle and that she needs to hang out with her a little more before she starts lecturing me about this kids needs. I was shaking I was so angry, and then had to go lead a meeting and do a presentation. I was still shaking when the meeting started and I was flustered and just all over the place.

Even typing this I am getting very emotional. It took me over three months to get her in there. They want me to go and withdraw her from the Junior High here so they can transfer all her records and IEP/ARD papers there, and for what? A week!?!?!? I am just dumbfounded again.

Then a nurse calls me at home to say the psychiatrist saw her and wants to medicate her immediately. He is putting her on two extremely powerful and heavily regulated drugs. But there is no problem and she still might be released in a week. Tonight she is starting on Abilify and Depokote. She has been on both before with no results. They are both used basically as mood stabilizers.

I am totally deflated, but need to let go of this so I can enjoy my son's birthday tonight and try to enjoy whatever time we have without her. Our options are getting limited in what we can do to help her without sacrificing our family and our health any further.

We are scheduled for a family session on Wednesday at 4:30. DS will be in attendance as we are doing a conference call from home. If she stays long enough for a second session the following week, he will NOT attend as I am not going to pull him out of school to drive an hour north of here for a session that really hinges on her bonding with us first.