Intensive Outpatient

What an interesting night. We watched her watching the other kids (all girls this week) and modeling their behaviors. Doing things they were doing --- things we've never seen her do. Her usual behaviors were there too -- laughing forcefully at their slightest attempt at humor, trying so hard to win their affection. They were mostly high school girls, a couple fresh from Juvie (Juvenile Corrections) a couple fresh from intensive inpatient for drugs and a suicide attempt, and one who just seemed to be in so much pain and felt unheard--the intensity so difficult for her she left the session.

DD sat like they sat, watching their every moves, and when we had an impromptu break upon the pained girls departure, she moved to a chair closer to them and started chatting it up like they were in a new club together. She agreed with all they said, she immediately made an impression on them, and the two buddies from Juvie chatted and laughed with her--on the other side of the circle, away from us.

When the session began again, DD opted to stay near her new friends. It was her turn now to talk about her feelings. She spun some good tales, and they all encouraged her. She claimed to have no knowledge of why we were there other than she lies sometimes. She didn't really know what the problem was and said they would have to ask us; so they did. And we shared how we had this little survivalist stranger in our house who would not allow us to love her or protect her and who worked very hard to prove how unworthy she is of love and trust, just to prove herself right--that everyone would hurt her and leave her so she is fully justified in only caring about herself and doing whatever she wants and whatever she thinks she needs to help herself. It was interesting to see the groups response, initially defending her a bit, then they themselves started to hear the contradictions in her words and the bizarre circles in her stories. "She was yelling at me and I did not yell back." Then later saying "I only raised my voice, but I was not yelling at her." Then making statements to us like, "I've changed. You may not be able to see it, but I've changed." So the therapist asked her to give a specific example of what changed and she said that she now admits what she has done -- she owns her behavior. I was about to pop. She is so good at picking up on buzzwords and delivering what people want to hear. I asked her to help me understand when she owned her behavior and she snapped "Today, on the way over here."

Then she talked about living with her mom for five years --which she did not, and how she used to think about her future with her mom. I know she had trauma in her youth, but do five-year olds really think about their futures, or just the moment. Hell --- she doesn't even really think about the future now, but no point trying to dispute her version of her past. I need her to understand the reality of her present.

The crowd turned on us a couple of times, too, hearing her words and not understanding the history. They always prefaced their comments with "I know I don't know your story, but..." DH really wanted to correct DD and correct the group, but I told him to hold off, that with four nights a week of this stuff, they will learn it on their own. He doesn't have to be the bad guy trying to paint a realistic picture that is not too flattering for this bubbly little girl they saw tonight.

Tomorrow and Wednesday nights are teens only. I'm sure she will tell a pretty story about us. Then the families meet again on Thursday.