More and more and more...

So, to please those who might judge us, we are trying several new things in tandem.

We got the new pscyh eval and no surprises there. A Psychologist who rarely gives a RAD diagnosis said this case was undeniable. She then offered to try to help us find a new psychiatrist, not liking the name of the new one we will see after Thanksgiving. She also offered to look into the RTC she works with weekly. Told her we were open to anything right now. She was also not too thrilled with our new therapist choice.

Our new therapist is the ONLY one in town designated as a RAD specialist. I have resisted him for a year--not particularly agreeing with his philosophies, and not hearing anything good about his ability to work with older kids--but us not seeing him is viewed by some as not trying everything. So we saw him yesterday. He wants DH & I to go see his associate for 1 1/2 hours every week and then come in with DD for one hour another day of the week. Missing work and DD missing school. He suggested that this may take years. When asked why we needed this hour and a half for us, he plainly stated that when we "start digging in her shit, your shit is going to come up." Something to look forward to, I'm sure. So we agreed to try.

We let the school know that she will miss half a day every week until further notice. [His office is about 45 minutes away.) So far, they are supportive, knowing the issues that she is having in the classrooms. He insists that I need to be there for each of her sessions as well, as RAD is usually associated with rejection from the birth mother, so this is a mother issue. We tried to explain to him that DH is the primary caregiver, spending more time with both kids, but he disagreed. Unfortunately, I cannot take two afternoons off each week, so I am sure we will be seen as uncooperative when DH shows up with DD instead of me, but that is the best we can do. If I get fired from my job there won't be all this juicy insurance money to bilk for this new therapy. This man, of course, thinks that RTC is useless for DD and he says that the Psychologist we saw NEVER gives a RAD diagnosis.

The Psychiatrist we are to see after Thanksgiving is not well regarded by anyone, but he is the ONLY one that ANYONE can find that is taking new patients. We have also been told that we might not be trying everything to help DD because we do not have her medicated. So we are going to see the Psychiatrist so he can medicate her. There is no drug for RAD, but we need to do "everything to help her."

Of course, with each new resource there comes a mountain of papers to fill out. The same old questions, again and again. So, we get to stay up late filling out more and more forms, faxing, e-mailing, snail-mailing stuff, then go to work and make and take calls to set-up all the appointments, then take time off work to attend all these session, and of course, write checks everywhere. All this while dealing with the little bundle of joy in our home.

My mother has already suggested that we not all spend the holidays together as it is too stressful and uncomfortable with DD and her behaviors. Actually, the thought of buying Christmas gifts for DD is so uncomfortable. Just kind of stumps me.

Missing two afternoons of work this week to attend all these new sessions has put me behind. I go in early and stay late to try to catch up. There was also a school meeting last night and I did some volunteer work through my job that I signed up for months ago, so yesterday was a long one. I feel like I am running on empty at times. I am just kind of numb to all the DD stuff anymore. We are just going through the paces when it comes to this. I'm still emotional about it all, but the emotions have settled a little deeper under the surface for now. Perhaps when we start "digging into our shit" next week, things will bubble up again. Not sure yet what that will really mean to me or to DD's life.