So, I don't want to get too excited. I don't want too get optimistic, but the session that DH took DD to was not at all what we expected.
My husband said it was like watching an exorcism and that he wholly expected DD's head to start spinning at any minute.
Apparently the therapist, we will call him TT (for The Therapist) played her like a harp, switching personas quicker than her, pulling out all her traits, pretty and ugly, and calling her on her BS. He went from empathetic, supportive, to harsh, confronting, to happy, distracted, to focused, unrelenting--all while never raising his voice or getting too emotionally involved. DH tried to correct an incorrect answer that DD gave to one question and TT said, "See, your father is trying to rescue and protect you. See how much he cares for you. Now - Dad - you need to just observe and not comment, OK."
DH said that DD looked to him desperately several times throughout the session and he just shook his head and nodded towards TT--letting her know that SHE needed to answer this. TT would not accept her usual "I don't know" answers and would really push her when she repeated it. DH said he exposed the different personas that DD likes to throw at people during different situations.
When it was over, TT took DH into the hall and literally said, "She is F'd up. Sorry." He said that he witnessed four different personalities - the 2-year old, the happy, friendly one, the sexually-flirtatious one, and the bitch. We recognize all those as different personas--not necessarily schizo personalities like Sybil--but there are many more that he has yet to see. Still, he saw a lot in a relatively short time.
One way or another, TT had a great impact on DH. Either this is the path we will go down to actually crack open this kid and maybe really get to see the little girl that must be buried in there somewhere, or this tactic was just his way to get us to buy into him and his practice, letting us know that HE KNOWS what we are going through and what we are dealing with--then turn the sessions into a poor DD treatment. [To read about him and his theories, I expected us to be required to bottle feed her and cradle her.] I don't know, and I don't care, but if this guy can really deliver all that he proudly boasts that he can do, then I will become his biggest cheerleader, praising his name, promoting his work, and pimping him out any way that I can. I will go back to all the naysayers who urged us to stay away from him and will do my best to re-educate them.
The other interesting development is that TT was angry that we were billed for our couples session. Said he had already worked out the billing with our insurance, Medicaid, and Lutheran and that he would get our money back. Said we would not pay a thing for it. So, this week he is a hero. I will proceed with cautious hope. I guess this is the "fun" part of the roller coaster.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Cost of compliance
So, we went to see the new therapist - the woman who works in conjunction with the RAD specialist. This was our couples therapy, so we could learn to deal with our issues. Because our issues are what keep us from helping DD's issues. We are dysregulated when we respond to her with anger, frustration, disappointment, or sadness. We are projecting our issues and our fears when we respond to her. We cannot help her until we heal our issues.
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OK - I'll play along. Let's dig into MY "shit," because it is so obvious that WE are the problem here. Fine. I'm willing to learn new techniques--obviously what we are currently doing is not working. And why not? It has to be much more satisfying for a therapist to work with a functioning adult than try to work with an emotionally disturbed child--much easier to measure "success" if they can reprogram us and not really work on her. I understand the logic.
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So we spend the hour and a half telling DD's story and telling our story for the umpteenth time. At the end of the session she asks if this timeslot works well for us because she has a lot of people screaming for this later timeslot. We said sure - we appreciate the 4:00 appointment. Her schedule was packed and we were pretty lucky to get this time. So then she asked for a check. Absolutely. I naively ask how much--thinking it would be a co-pay of $20 or maybe $40 for a specialist. Nope. I was wrong. $187.50. OK - Will it be $187.50 every Monday? Why yes - yes it will be. No insurance coverage? She does not file insurance and is not on our plan. Medicaid? No - not without the child in the room. Well...
Congratulations! You just cleared your Monday afternoon schedule. We will not spend $1000 a month on therapy. His co-pay for seeing DD is $40 a week, plus her $187.50 to see us?! No ma'am. My poor DH will face the battle today when he takes DD in for her therapy with the specialist. 1) Because the therapist insists the mother be there and unfortunately I won't be there, and 2) because he will learn that we are not going to do the couples therapy. Should be fun!
I guess we are just bad parents who will not cooperate. Oh well, we still get to see the new psychiatrist that no one has any faith in. Maybe he can just sedate her so we can get parent points there for drugging her, because that is the responsible thing to do.
Sorry - I am in a very sarcastic, cynical mood.
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OK - I'll play along. Let's dig into MY "shit," because it is so obvious that WE are the problem here. Fine. I'm willing to learn new techniques--obviously what we are currently doing is not working. And why not? It has to be much more satisfying for a therapist to work with a functioning adult than try to work with an emotionally disturbed child--much easier to measure "success" if they can reprogram us and not really work on her. I understand the logic.
...
...
So we spend the hour and a half telling DD's story and telling our story for the umpteenth time. At the end of the session she asks if this timeslot works well for us because she has a lot of people screaming for this later timeslot. We said sure - we appreciate the 4:00 appointment. Her schedule was packed and we were pretty lucky to get this time. So then she asked for a check. Absolutely. I naively ask how much--thinking it would be a co-pay of $20 or maybe $40 for a specialist. Nope. I was wrong. $187.50. OK - Will it be $187.50 every Monday? Why yes - yes it will be. No insurance coverage? She does not file insurance and is not on our plan. Medicaid? No - not without the child in the room. Well...
Congratulations! You just cleared your Monday afternoon schedule. We will not spend $1000 a month on therapy. His co-pay for seeing DD is $40 a week, plus her $187.50 to see us?! No ma'am. My poor DH will face the battle today when he takes DD in for her therapy with the specialist. 1) Because the therapist insists the mother be there and unfortunately I won't be there, and 2) because he will learn that we are not going to do the couples therapy. Should be fun!
I guess we are just bad parents who will not cooperate. Oh well, we still get to see the new psychiatrist that no one has any faith in. Maybe he can just sedate her so we can get parent points there for drugging her, because that is the responsible thing to do.
Sorry - I am in a very sarcastic, cynical mood.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
More and more and more...
So, to please those who might judge us, we are trying several new things in tandem.
We got the new pscyh eval and no surprises there. A Psychologist who rarely gives a RAD diagnosis said this case was undeniable. She then offered to try to help us find a new psychiatrist, not liking the name of the new one we will see after Thanksgiving. She also offered to look into the RTC she works with weekly. Told her we were open to anything right now. She was also not too thrilled with our new therapist choice.
Our new therapist is the ONLY one in town designated as a RAD specialist. I have resisted him for a year--not particularly agreeing with his philosophies, and not hearing anything good about his ability to work with older kids--but us not seeing him is viewed by some as not trying everything. So we saw him yesterday. He wants DH & I to go see his associate for 1 1/2 hours every week and then come in with DD for one hour another day of the week. Missing work and DD missing school. He suggested that this may take years. When asked why we needed this hour and a half for us, he plainly stated that when we "start digging in her shit, your shit is going to come up." Something to look forward to, I'm sure. So we agreed to try.
We let the school know that she will miss half a day every week until further notice. [His office is about 45 minutes away.) So far, they are supportive, knowing the issues that she is having in the classrooms. He insists that I need to be there for each of her sessions as well, as RAD is usually associated with rejection from the birth mother, so this is a mother issue. We tried to explain to him that DH is the primary caregiver, spending more time with both kids, but he disagreed. Unfortunately, I cannot take two afternoons off each week, so I am sure we will be seen as uncooperative when DH shows up with DD instead of me, but that is the best we can do. If I get fired from my job there won't be all this juicy insurance money to bilk for this new therapy. This man, of course, thinks that RTC is useless for DD and he says that the Psychologist we saw NEVER gives a RAD diagnosis.
The Psychiatrist we are to see after Thanksgiving is not well regarded by anyone, but he is the ONLY one that ANYONE can find that is taking new patients. We have also been told that we might not be trying everything to help DD because we do not have her medicated. So we are going to see the Psychiatrist so he can medicate her. There is no drug for RAD, but we need to do "everything to help her."
Of course, with each new resource there comes a mountain of papers to fill out. The same old questions, again and again. So, we get to stay up late filling out more and more forms, faxing, e-mailing, snail-mailing stuff, then go to work and make and take calls to set-up all the appointments, then take time off work to attend all these session, and of course, write checks everywhere. All this while dealing with the little bundle of joy in our home.
My mother has already suggested that we not all spend the holidays together as it is too stressful and uncomfortable with DD and her behaviors. Actually, the thought of buying Christmas gifts for DD is so uncomfortable. Just kind of stumps me.
Missing two afternoons of work this week to attend all these new sessions has put me behind. I go in early and stay late to try to catch up. There was also a school meeting last night and I did some volunteer work through my job that I signed up for months ago, so yesterday was a long one. I feel like I am running on empty at times. I am just kind of numb to all the DD stuff anymore. We are just going through the paces when it comes to this. I'm still emotional about it all, but the emotions have settled a little deeper under the surface for now. Perhaps when we start "digging into our shit" next week, things will bubble up again. Not sure yet what that will really mean to me or to DD's life.
We got the new pscyh eval and no surprises there. A Psychologist who rarely gives a RAD diagnosis said this case was undeniable. She then offered to try to help us find a new psychiatrist, not liking the name of the new one we will see after Thanksgiving. She also offered to look into the RTC she works with weekly. Told her we were open to anything right now. She was also not too thrilled with our new therapist choice.
Our new therapist is the ONLY one in town designated as a RAD specialist. I have resisted him for a year--not particularly agreeing with his philosophies, and not hearing anything good about his ability to work with older kids--but us not seeing him is viewed by some as not trying everything. So we saw him yesterday. He wants DH & I to go see his associate for 1 1/2 hours every week and then come in with DD for one hour another day of the week. Missing work and DD missing school. He suggested that this may take years. When asked why we needed this hour and a half for us, he plainly stated that when we "start digging in her shit, your shit is going to come up." Something to look forward to, I'm sure. So we agreed to try.
We let the school know that she will miss half a day every week until further notice. [His office is about 45 minutes away.) So far, they are supportive, knowing the issues that she is having in the classrooms. He insists that I need to be there for each of her sessions as well, as RAD is usually associated with rejection from the birth mother, so this is a mother issue. We tried to explain to him that DH is the primary caregiver, spending more time with both kids, but he disagreed. Unfortunately, I cannot take two afternoons off each week, so I am sure we will be seen as uncooperative when DH shows up with DD instead of me, but that is the best we can do. If I get fired from my job there won't be all this juicy insurance money to bilk for this new therapy. This man, of course, thinks that RTC is useless for DD and he says that the Psychologist we saw NEVER gives a RAD diagnosis.
The Psychiatrist we are to see after Thanksgiving is not well regarded by anyone, but he is the ONLY one that ANYONE can find that is taking new patients. We have also been told that we might not be trying everything to help DD because we do not have her medicated. So we are going to see the Psychiatrist so he can medicate her. There is no drug for RAD, but we need to do "everything to help her."
Of course, with each new resource there comes a mountain of papers to fill out. The same old questions, again and again. So, we get to stay up late filling out more and more forms, faxing, e-mailing, snail-mailing stuff, then go to work and make and take calls to set-up all the appointments, then take time off work to attend all these session, and of course, write checks everywhere. All this while dealing with the little bundle of joy in our home.
My mother has already suggested that we not all spend the holidays together as it is too stressful and uncomfortable with DD and her behaviors. Actually, the thought of buying Christmas gifts for DD is so uncomfortable. Just kind of stumps me.
Missing two afternoons of work this week to attend all these new sessions has put me behind. I go in early and stay late to try to catch up. There was also a school meeting last night and I did some volunteer work through my job that I signed up for months ago, so yesterday was a long one. I feel like I am running on empty at times. I am just kind of numb to all the DD stuff anymore. We are just going through the paces when it comes to this. I'm still emotional about it all, but the emotions have settled a little deeper under the surface for now. Perhaps when we start "digging into our shit" next week, things will bubble up again. Not sure yet what that will really mean to me or to DD's life.
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