More Disappointment

So last week, when TT asked DD how her Thanksgiving was, DD stated in her session that she lost 12 pounds in a week and insinuated that we don't feed her, saying she only gets one portion at meals, and that she is hungry at lunch. The therapist asked her if she asked for more, did she get it, and she said yes and said that she was fine. He asked what she eats at lunch and she listed 4-5 items, and said she was fine.

She DID NOT lose 12 pounds that week--which by the way was Thanksgiving week and oh yeah - she stayed at my father's for the week because school was out and he watched her for us. We took all sugar out of the house a year ago and I have lost 40 pounds, my son lost 30, my DH lost 20 and she lost 12 at the most! AND we took her off all the meds that were making her gain weight. She was OVERWEIGHT a year ago and gorging on foods--eating the lunch we packed and getting another lunch in the cafeteria. She would eat three plates of food at dinner and still claim to be hungry. BIG plates of food.

So, in our first and second session the therapist told us just how terribly damaged she was and that he saw four personalities and that she had a lot of trauma to overcome, and he took DH in the hall and literally said, "She is fu_ _ed up." but we went in today to find out that he considered calling CPS because she said she lost 12 pounds. He's never weighed her, she is not sickly skinny AT ALL, and he has no proof of neglect but considered calling CPS.

THIS is the support we are getting. THIS is the help we are getting. I am supposed to not get angry, but when I feel that my family is threatened by a LIE from a RAD kid and that someone with authority is prepared to take action on that lie without even ASKING us about it first, this doesn't help anger subside. How can an acclaimed RAD-specialist act on a false accusation like that--especially when she kept ending with "but I'm fine" and when asked clarifying questions she stated that the portions were big and she could have more if she asked for it?

Thing is, I am not even mad at her--this is what she does, and this is why we are begging for help. I am mad at the so-called specialist and his associate for even talking about calling CPS. She is RAD! One of the primary descriptions of a RAD kid is LIES and FALSELY ACCUSES. The associate that we see talked about neglect because of the 12 pound loss and because she hangs out in her room watching TV. She is 12. What do 12 year olds do? This is how we keep peace in the house - we don't engage too much because of the lies and the manipulation attempts. We are holding out, waiting for a breakthrough before we get too involved with her more and while she is upstairs watching Hannah Montana, and listening to her Cheetah Girls CDs and doing homework, we are being considered neglectful. We drive her to school everyday, pick her up most days (some days the kids have to walk home) and we go to therapy twice a week, and we are neglectful. She has Attachment Disorder. I cannot make her attach--I do not know how and I am desperately looking for a way to do that, but until then, I cannot make things right between us.

When we go out with other people, she instantly takes off with the new people. We went to a school sports activity on Friday night and she took off with another girl. No biggy, but at the end of the night came the request to spend the night with a stranger. Saturday we went to an extended family Christmas party out of town. As soon as she walked in she took off with newly met second-cousins and we never really saw her again until we left. On Sunday, we went to a surprise party for a friend I worked with 10 years ago. DD ran to be up front to open the big barn doors and yell surprise to a woman she never met. She ran outside to be with others. Then she told the owner of the ranch that she worked with horses quit a bit and the owner let DD run all over the party pulling a big horse behind her. She has NOT worked with horses quite a bit, but she led the woman to believe that she did, so she could get what she wanted. She never sat or stood near us--most probably didn't know she was with us. She is detached. She leaves us constantly. Probably since her second month with us she has preferred to hang with strangers--this is what RAD kids do. But her hanging in her room means we neglect her.

These are therapists numbers 5 and 6, psychiatrist number 3, and psychologist number 2 in two years. NEGLECT?!?!? If we neglected her would we be trying so hard to make this work? The countless hours we've spent reading, researching, filling out forms, driving to therapists and doctors all over a 50+ mile radius, leaving work for sessions, for phone calls, for school meetings, etc. NEGLECT!?!?!? We are begging for help and we get accused of neglect. I could easily quit this all and just go underground with her--seeing no one, just waiting out the time until she grows up and moves out, or runs away, or whatever, but that is not what we are doing. We are allowing all kinds of people to ask us all kinds of questions, we are opening ourselves up and getting analyzed by all kinds of people and trying to find a solution to help DD and to help our family and we are getting no where. Extremely frustrating.

Tomorrow is her session with TT. Both DH and I will attend. This will be our final session with him. We will now pursue a neuropsychologist. I'm done with therapists.